SIXTEEN!

I have to block out thoughts of you, so i don't lose my head. They crawl'in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed, dropping little reels of tape, to remind me that i'm alone, playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home. There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain; an ounce of peace is all i want for you, will you never call again? The way you never say that you love me just to put it in my face? The way you never try to reach me, it is i that wanted this. I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with and the one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing i won't touch again. In a sick way i want to thank you for holding my head up late at night, and while I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight. You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate. You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take, so i'll drive so fucking far away that i'll never cross your mind. And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind. And with a sad heart i say bye to you and wave, kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made. And like a baby girl i never was a woman 'till i saw your green eyes cry and i held your face in my hands. And then i fell down yelling "Make it go away" just make a smile, come back and shine just like it used to be. And then he whispered "How could you do this to me?" Hate me today, hate me tomorrow. Hate me for all the things i didnt do for you. Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow. Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you.